Saturday, January 22, 2011
I always considered myself a very positive person. Everything happens for a reason, look on the bright side…there are no regrets…yadda yadda. But you know what? There's not always a reason and I do have some regrets…quite large ones actually..whole years of my life in fact. We, as human beings, make mad horrible mistakes and they can and do ruin our lives. Sure you can learn, make better decisions, and wounds eventually heal but not without some serious scar tissue. Thinking and truly believing that I am a nice person perhaps warped my judgement of myself when it comes to men in particular. The fact of the matter is, i'm toxic. I'm a heartbreaker. In all fairness to my own heart, it always breaks first. Or at least I believe that it does. Given my little involvement in the dating scene perhaps in a blessing to the world..less collateral damage. But in the serious relationship category I'm 3 for 3. Buyers beware.
I have very good intentions for longevity…its the forever that rattles me. Its the question, "are you sure?". No, I'm not sure. I'm never sure. You are a giant question mark to me!
A benefit of the doubt, trust is given at first in all my relationships. But I invoke the right to pull it out from under your feet. Once my walls go up its 80% over. It's really not fair to you because with my walls constructed how can you get in again. You can't. I've emotionally blocked you.
This was a very rude awakening for me this morning…bringing about a flood of tears and a hasty single inspired shout out about keeping myself away from the opposite sex. I'm not delusional enough to believe this will happen so lets just say I will remind myself of my lack of good decision making in the past. Along with these gems of "aw ha" moments I've had this year.
Just because its emotionally charged doesn't make it a positive.
Wrong feelings can be just as passionate as the right ones.
Stop making him 1000 times better than he is! The bubble is going to burst after the first fight and you'll have no idea who you are with.
No one is perfect for you. That person doesn't exist.
The opposites attract theory only works for some people.
and finally...I'm just as fucked up as he is.