Challenge Accepted

Am I reaching out or am I standing with my arms by my side? How many of us will never do what we really want to, what we naturally gravitate towards, what we’re gifted with, simply because we think we can’t. Maybe there were steps we missed, harsh comments made, unattained accomplishments, or our timeline didn’t match someone else’s. The older I get the more I don’t concern myself with comparison. Another persons talent doesn’t take from my own. No one stole my dream job, the life I wanted, my potential. If they are living it, then it is theirs, not mine. We aren’t simply in different chapters, we are in different books. 

So what kind of photographer do I want to be? Because even though I’ve been doing it for decades I’ve only poked at the art I truly want to create with a very long stick. 

 I love portraits bordering documentary style. I specifically love to photograph artists, and all forms of artists. Musicians, dancers, actors, painters, writers...In motion, in candid, in creative process. 

You should see the well-deserved lines on a face. The freckles given by their ancestors and exaggerated by the sun in monochrome perfection. Dressed up in costumes or unable to get out of bed in the afternoon. When the natural elements of a human being have been emphasized. When a look can show what kind of day they’ve had, month they’ve had, life they’ve had. That’s the shot I want.

I decided to join Paige Armminta Watts weekly photography challenges on Instagram after looking through the very creative and beautiful submissions that come in each week.

Giving me an assignment narrows down the infinite amount of subject matter and spurs more concentrated creativity. This week was flowers. 

When I think of flowers I think of the endless field and I think of the macro details. I have neither at my disposal. What I do have is the uniquely cultivated botanical oasis that is my parents tropical property up mauka on the Big Island of Hawaii. Very few plants are in bloom right now, however, I was able to find a few varieties of Heliconia. A very dramatic flower that shoots between it’s thick stocks or hangs like a living Calder mobile. And they are enormous enough to only need one. 

The sun was quite high in the sky so most of these were taken under shade with natural light. I carefully navigated the spiders, the fire ants and some of the plants own residue that itches or irritates my bare skin. The rooster brought all his hens through at one point but they were to quick to be included. I jumped, and i bended and I contorted and sweated...but everything was just blah. 

delete delete delete. 

The hanging heliconia needed to hang. I needed to stop hiding my face with the environment. I hide my face a lot in photos. I think I do because then it could be someone else. I can be a stand in figure to use to get the capture I want. My face is too personal. I didn’t realize that it is in fact a insecurity.  Because I immediately think before I post a picture of myself, is this too much me? What someone else might think still has a hold of my left ankle and I’ve been dragging that fucker a long way. But why would anyone trust me to shoot them raw if I won’t even shoot myself that way. AHHHHHHHHHH

I stopped at my favorite tree in the yard, the Ficus. The low light brought about beautiful contrast from the light skin of the tree and the dark shadows behind it. I spent a little while setting up the tripod on the incline surface where roots strangle the ground and spent leaves were 6 inches deep. 

I didn’t know I was flipping off the camera in the moment. I didn’t even notice when I scanned my viewfinder in between timed shots, as I was mostly looking at the light and focus. But in post, there it was. Two of my favorite captures and my middle finger straight up.

The more I thought about it, the more I laughed, and the more I laughed, the more I liked it. I didn’t look like my quiet impassive self, I looked dramatic. 

If I can find my own confidence hidden deep in a imaginary world guarded by a casing of numbness 12 inches thick, then surely I can bring it out in others. 

I am an artist and my medium is photography. 

Some details:

I do not have photoshop on my oldie laptop so these had minimal editing. I think I’d gotten a little lazy with layering filters and using presets. It was getting boring. “I’ll just photoshop that out” has to be taken from my vocab this year. Going back to bare minimals with a light and color slider has been good for me. 

I’m not wearing makeup except for a little mascara on the edges of my lashes. My hair is unwashed and isn’t styled. I didn’t even comb it. Some images show the sunburn or jungle scratches from the day. I was more concerned with keeping my camera from getting scratched than my body I was pulling through pokey things.