Sunday, January 1, 2017

It's Okay to Walk Away

Listening to Birdie on the record player and drinking Tequila, sweetened aloe juice and muddled with blackberries. It’s New Years Eve and its been an eventful night for this single thirty-something.
I cleaned out the spare room closet so the door shuts without the need for me to stand against it as I stretch for a chair to replace the weight of my body.
I found a large piece of chocolate cake in the freezer which felt like finding love. 
Tequila and I had a brief dance party to Sia, Stevie Wonder and Walk the Moon before ending in the realization that Tequila never really cares about my well being. 

As the year comes to a close I look back on the last 365 days.  2015 was a very painful year for me but 2016 boldly attempted to surpass it. I rarely participate in what I love most in life. This is no ones fault but my own. I fall into a job or a relationship that my entire being is given too. I forget who I am or what I really want as I morph into what others need me to be. Then I become restless and irritated as it all falls apart.

When you are beaten down, you start to lose your power. When you aren’t heard, you lose your voice. Mental abuse is as exhausting as a marathon but without that sweet ending through the ribbon with your hands grabbing the sky. And when you live for your weekends, you give up 72% of your life.

For possibly one of the first times in my life I was not afraid to let go of something I worked so hard for. Just because you put the time in doesn’t make that your master. When its no longer in your best interest, its time to walk away.  

I’m a Tennessee transplant from Hawaii but born in Oklahoma and most of my friends are scattered throughout the US. Over the last 8 years, when vacation time rolls around, I was torn between family and friends. I rarely even thought about an actual vacation. Where can I go to see the most people I love? Do I see my parents this year or next year? Now that I was free, I was going to drive across the US and see as many people as I could. 

I spent the last 2 months traveling for some direction. 
I wandered from State to State, stopping to visit family and my lifelong friends along the way.
The upcoming blog entries will be a recap of the road trip that started in November.

Let the adventure begin.

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